i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
