If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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