I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
