she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
time to smoke my breakfast
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
