why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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