dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
