He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
