Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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