Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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