btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
