let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
