I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize