So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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