And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
