she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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