and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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