i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
