If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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