i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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