and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
