just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
