my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
