since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
