The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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