Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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