i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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