Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
