This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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