Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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