yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
