I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
