kristin has been a bad kristin
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
