I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
