Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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