If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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