how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
