he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
