I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
