Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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