I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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