What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
