Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize