How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
