Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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