Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
