I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
