But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
