I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
