Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
