so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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