Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
