Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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