My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
