Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
