I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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