Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
