he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
