it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
