i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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