Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
