I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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