well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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