Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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